ways2work - Parents and carers
Building your confidence
'When I was at work I managed big groups of people and didn't bat an eyelid… but if you asked me now to fill out my CV and list all my employable skills, I wouldn't know where to start! I've run the craft stall at the fete and co-ordinated teams of people developing merchandise, but that's easy stuff.' (Dolores, 44, mother of 5)
Many people say they lose confidence after being out of the paid workforce. It's a common feeling.
People who've been out of the workforce for a substantial period of time may especially feel like the world of work has left them behind. To find out how work has changed and to get some useful pointers about how to re-enter the paid workforce with confidence see Workplace culture.
The good news is there are many ways to build your confidence as you prepare to get back into paid work. Here are just three:
- Write your resume – Once you've gone through the process of writing out all your skills and experience, you will impress yourself! There are many resources available on this site and elsewhere to help you do this.
- Seek volunteer work – This is a great way to ease yourself back into the world of work. You will meet new people, learn new skills and you'll also have more recent work experience and referees for your resume that potential employers can call.
- Take a course – Updating old skills or learning new ones will help you to feel more confident. It could be as simple as enrolling in a short, low-cost computer course at your local neighbourhood house.
Myth: I have no work skills to offer
Reality: As a parent or carer you have been holding down a most demanding, stressful and rewarding job. Too often in our society your role in the home is overlooked and undervalued. But every day you are a patient and sympathetic negotiator, events manager, finance officer, administrator, leader and much more! You prioritise and juggle different tasks and set achievable goals. Putting your everyday skills into business language makes them look pretty impressive. Your experience has made you a skillful, mature, responsible and much sought after employee.
If you believe in your own skills and experience, it will translate to improved confidence.
Denis Baker author of The Personal Job-Hunting Package puts it this way:
'Can't get a job, because you have dedicated a greater amount of your time meeting the needs of others as a parent or carer? Wrong!
That very role you have fulfilled in recent times, that willingness to accept responsibilities and make someone else's life better, is the very essence of why an employer will want to give you a job.'
Take a look at the Responding to Key Selection Criteria (PDF 79kb) fact sheet to see how the skills you have been using as a parent or carer can be used in your job applications.
Confident job-seeking
We all know people who appear supremely confident – some people have it naturally, for many others it's a very good act, but the more you practice the easier it becomes.
- Look at the activities you've undertaken outside work and what was achieved. For example 'helping out at kinder' translates into 'serving in a voluntary capacity as a member of the committee, assisting in the management of the organisation and raising a certain level of funds'.
- Talk to other people in your position and compare notes. Let all your friends and acquaintances know you are looking for work. Eighty per cent of non-standard jobs are sourced through networking so get talking to people who can help and be an advocate for you.
- On the day, allow enough time to get to the interview.
- When going for interviews, don't expect to get the first job you apply for or even the tenth. Every interview you go to is increasing your experience. Don't take the rejection personally – it obviously wasn't the right job.
- Remember, you are also interviewing them, it's not just about them finding out whether you are the right person for the job but about you finding out whether you would be happy to work there.
- Know that you have prepared properly, researched the industry and company and that your resume is up to date. Kate advises tweaking your resume for each job.
- After the interview, send a thank you note or an email and ask for feedback.
Everyone lacks confidence sometimes
'I ran one session with a 20-year-old woman and a director of a bank who was her mentor and at the end of it the young woman said to the director "I can't believe you worry about that too!" Welcome to the human condition. There are times when confidence just goes down the tube for all of us.'
Pollyanna suggests looking for recurring patterns in circumstances where you lack confidence, identifying trouble spots and personality types that you may be nervous about confronting or dealing with, and finding a mentor to discuss situations with.
'If you have a mentor you can discuss specific scenarios and examples of difficult situations that you are struggling with, ask if they've had similar issues and what they did. Then use their strategies or adapt them to suit your situation.'
Challenging your assumptions will also help. 'Often when people come to me insisting that they have no confidence I challenge their view by repeatedly asking them if they are sure that they have never felt confident. Often the person will become quite animated and strong about the fact that they are never confident. Confident in fact! This is when I will say "Well you're pretty confident in that view" and it blows up their strategy, their self-assumptions.'
Recalling a time when you handled something really well is another good strategy, possibly something outside work – maybe you were a tower of strength when a loved one passed away and made all the funeral arrangements – think about how you handled this situation. Get a piece of paper and pen and map it all out, what was it that you did then? Here's a strategy you can repeat and use, everything is transferable.'
Mature and experienced
Denis Baker, author of The Personal Job-Hunting Package, says that while some employers might think you are over the hill at 30 or 40, let alone 50 or 60, more and more employers now days are placing greater value on maturity, life skills and experience. 'We all have maturity that comes with time – you can't buy it, you can't bottle it, you can't stuff it into a sixteen year old brain – you earn it and develop it over time.' Read more advice from Denis about how to value yourself and your experiences as you prepare to look for work...
For more hints read the Building Your Confidence (PDF 32kb) fact sheet.
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